Dream

"If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too week. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased." - C.S. Lewis

There are times when my desires and my dreams seem FAR too big and unimaginable. It is in those times when I think that I am asking too much of God that I begin to doubt him. I don't trust that He is big enough to take care of the details that go along with the desires and dreams He has given me. And I begin to think I should just let go of these things because they are far too much to ask of God; they seem to be things that don't happen for anyone else or things I have never heard of working out before. But thankfully God is really much bigger than I think and is fully capable of working out all the plans that need to come together to make things happen. So I dare to ask God for the big things, the dreams and desires that seem absolutely unattainable because I refuse to be the child who chooses to remain in their slum when endless joy is offered me.

I'm le tired ...

So Jesus. He can be sneaky huh. I had this relaxing summer planned out at home. I was going to do a little bit of traveling but really just back and forth to Dallas.

Thus far I have been to Oregon, Dallas, Tanglewood, Houston, Dallas and back. This week I will be in Houston and next week I will be in Florida. Then I will be heading back to Dallas to go to Missouri for CIY with Cornerstone, the following week I will be coming back to Houston only to turn around and go to CIY in Carbondale, Ill with Northside. Then it will be August and I will be moving back to Dallas. This is insane. And way way more official ministry than I had planned on doing. But you know Jesus is sneaky like that :) Not that I am complaining I would much rather be used than just sitting here. It just blows my mind and further convinces me that when you allow the Holy Spirit to use you he just goes crazy and does so much more than you could ever plan or work up.

He has completely shaken up all my plans and rearranged them so that they work out to make more of Him and less of me (which I really appreciate because most of the time when left up to my own devices I make an ass out of my self and usually don't really do anything to help further the gospel.) So it works out. He has taught me so much and really stretched my faith. When I was in Tanglewood for 4th and 5th grade camp, 13 out of our 18 kids decided to give their lives and hearts to Jesus. I was blown away at the way the Spirit moved through them and the faith that they exhibited. By the end of the week the girls were calling me on my crap and reminding me with scripture why I didn't need to be doing whatever it was that I was doing. I am so pleased that the Lord of Hosts finds a way to use me and wants to use me as much as I will allow. If He can use me then surely He can use anyone.

Jesus huh ...

I have to say Jesus has quite the way of responding when we ask. I have been praying a lot about a deeper and closer relationship with Jesus the past few weeks. I began to ask him how to have a heart that beats after him and how to love him. And wouldn't you know it, he has begun to answer me. I don't know what is different this time, I have prayed these prayers before. Maybe before I didn't mean it, didn't really want to know how to love him and maybe I just asked that because it seemed that is what I was supposed to do, being a Bible College student and a missionary and all that. Maybe this time my heart was just in a place where it could hear the still small voice of God. Perhaps before I asked but never really listened.

Yesterday, I heard two sermons on Eph 4:17-31, one was at Cornerstone and the other at the Village. God shouted quite clearly what the first steps are and where things should be heading. But he was also very clear that he will always love me. When I do get these things worked out and clear out this junk from my heart he will not love me anymore because he loves me perfectly right now. He was clear that these things need to be done but its not because he needs me to remove things before he can work, it's so I can love and enjoy him in all things. So my heart can be free from the sin that poisons it, so I can be more and more conformed to the image of Christ. I am so pleased that God has been so clear and that I have such great friends that pray and struggle right along side me. I am so excited about what God is doing in my heart and in the hearts of the people around me. I am so pleased that he wants to use me to further his kingdom. But most of all I am pleased to know him more, to be closer to his heart.

John Piper says in God is the Gospel, "the highest, best, final, decisive good of the gospel, without which no other gifts would be good, is the glory of God in the face of Christ revealed for our everlasting enjoyment. The saving love of God is God's commitment to do everything necessary to enthrall us with what is most deeply and durably satisfying, namely himself." God is what I am after.

Piper goes on to ask this question, "If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, and all the physical pleasures you ever tasted , and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?

Moving ... I miss my friend

Well I am offically a Houstonian again. All my stuff has been moved from Dallas to Houston. All my stuff from my one bedroom apartment has been moved to my one tiny bedroom in Houston, cramped does not even begin to describe it.

Things are okay here in Houston, many of my friends from DCC have moved here ironically. And of course my family is great. I do however miss my friend. I realize that Andrea is not my only friend and that many of my other friends are here but it doesn't seem the same. It just hit me that I may not live in the same city as Andrea again for quite some time if at all. That sucks. It is like once again I am leaving my family behind. I hate that. I wish I could drag my family with me all over the world but for some reason they do not wish to come. Andrea really became family during my time in Dallas and it is hard to have to leave her behind (not that I can't talk to her whenever I want but talking is not the same as waiting for Paul to climb through the window at night or continually quoting Two Weeks Notice). I think that Chris would be angry with me if I tried to drag her across the globe (she would however be an excellent traveling compainon due to her extensive travel experience and many near death experiences). Thank you God for my friend.

Doors

"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light"

- John Keith Falconer

"God isn't looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him"

- Hudson Taylor

"Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God"

- William Carey

Some things just stir my heart. The simple idea of missions is one of those things. At times I wonder what God is doing sending me out into the world to be a "missionary"; most of those times come when I am standing in line to buy yet another thing I don't need. But then I read quotes like these or see a person or hear a song and I remember what stirs my heart most. Though I love to shop and get new stuff, those things could never stir my heart the way that people do. I am so thankful, however, that God isn't looking for perfect people who are always doing the perfect thing. I am so blessed to know that he is just looking for those who will stand up and know they don't have what it takes but will try anyway, realizing that if they succeed it will not be on account of their own efforts but because they have followed God through the doors he opened for them.

As I graduate from DCC and begin to think about life without school, I am so excited to see the doors God is opening for me. My prayer is now not that I will learn all that is needed but that I will take what I have learned and lean on God and know that I can expect great things from him because he is faithful to see things through to the end and his plans do not fail.